Dear Sir David Brailsford

I was down in pub wi me son last night he's a right big fan a yours
Tells me there's some trouble brewing wi route of this years tour
He said to me dear Fatha you've done it, seen it all
There's cobbles causing concern can you give Sir Dave a call
 
I know in pursuit of perfection you leave no stone unturned
I'd like to offer an 'elping hand me knowledge is well earned
Preparing blokes wi bicyles, usin' right propper wheels that's round
It's about Planning layin foundations preparin' winning ground
 
Which is 'andy with them cobbles I'll need somehow to turn em smooth
To keep Geraint and Chris Froome in front and on the move
You see I've always rode to bakery, to go deliver t bread
I've learned to conquer cobbles, I'm an expert its been said
 
I am very scientific me, when there's trouble down at Mill
I'll bring an innovation then bugger off up ill 
If there's any other problem like a spool missing from treddle
I'll fix that too don't worry before I go and pedal 

It's a fine line makes the difference between first and second place
I can help wi' preparation if TeamSky's to win this race.
It can be oh so technical, it's also in the mind
Especially when there's cobbled streets It can be such a grind

I know them cobbles are tricky,  to stay upright's a fight
Them cobbles are right tricky and I acknowledge Froomey's fright
For sixty years I've rode round here, just once I had a spill
When Mary from the Bakery, she walked on t cobbled hill

For me this was a turning point I was young and cycling slow
On't cobbled streets it's dangerous don't go too fast tha knows 
I applied sufficient pressure to me brakes both front and back
Me front wheel caught a cobble and I hit ground with a smack

But Mary was on hand to help mop my bloodied brow
To tell me, "Watch them cobbles lad" (I wish we'd married now!)
She told me see them cobbles imagine bubbles full of air
You'll be carried you'be lifted like on a set of Stannah stairs

Ensure you're in survival mode other lads won't feel the same
But you will burst their bubbles lad and they'll feel all the pain.
I still float across them cobbles and deliver bread on t bike
Though Mary is not with us she had to take a hike

I've overcome cobbles challenge, it wa' bubbles that saw me through
I called it Cobbles Conquered It'll work for Teamsky too
So Sir David I'm available if you'd like some of my psychology
I can help wi teams nutrition too, a slice o bread wi Tea

So if you're in the area and need a little Yorkshire nouse
You will all be very welcome to pop around me house
To talk about a strategy drink tea in my front room
Aye and bring Geraint with you and last years winner Froome

The kettle will be boiling, Yorkshire tea brewing in the pot
The fire will be stoked up it'll be cosy for you lot.
They say there is no I in TEAM and I know the reason why
Is there room for ME A(n') T(ea) in next season's TeamSky?

Giro Training TeamSky

Change those gears drop those cogs
Pedal like those cycling gods
Nero fiddles while Rome burns
Thighs on fire wheels just turn

Chain set cadence tempo high
Spin it out the end is nigh
Power pedals power cranks
Power zones you've trained with thanks

Balanced structured progressive load
Training active recovery mode
Intensity built from base to top
Heart rate monitored race to stop

Endurance tempo lactate threshold
Cycling fitness will unfold
Be Cycling Caelus gods of sky
Come on Team it's time to fly 

 

Giro Italia Team Sky

As you saddle up your works of art
Grande Partenza or your Big Start
Prepare for vistas prepare for views
Oh lead us on you mystic muse. 

Take on montagna or small collina 
Routes designed and rides to free you
Challenges in countryside
Or Adriatica the place to ride

Golden sands or mountains green
Steep ascents or rolling free
Leonardo Da Vinci, Michelangelo
On Dogma steeds, ride fine fellows

Versace, Dolce and Armani 
Sing operatic chorus of Puccini
Or Verdi, Bellini and Rossini
Someliers drink in the famous vini

Grigio, Chianti taste Barolo
Ride Pesco Sannita to Gran Sasso
From Penne to Gualdo Tadino
Assisi, St Francis ride Osimo

From Umbro through Marchean Appenines
Muri with its punchy climbs
Be Cycling Caelus gods of Sky
Come on Team it's time to fly! 

I Blame Bradley Wiggins - the poor long suffering, caring wife

A man reaches an age where sore feet stop him from pounding the streets, and the allure of lycra becomes too much. Oh yes and the inspiration of 1 man and the worries it causes his long suffering wife...

In 2012 my husband changed, the thought just makes me wince,
He's still a loving husband, but has been strange ever since
And if I cast my mind back to that year in July,
I recollect it started with a scream and cheerful cry
When I luked into the lounge to see the cause of the commotion,
He was staring at the telly with a look of pouels devotion;
The screen shone a bright yellow, like my kitchen top formica,
There was a man on bike with side-burns wearing figure hugging Lycra.
You see Bradley, he had triumphed, in the cycling Tour de France
Since then you see my husband's, been in this sort of trance.

Then in early August, things started to get worse
When watching the Olympics, I think that was the curse.
It wasn't the flag waving or cheering any British folks,
It happened at the cycling and was caused by this one bloke.

Well the affect that it has had on him, well he hasn't been the same;
The only thing I think of that Bradley is to blame,
You see he started talking language, that I don't understand
Of hubs, derailleur, gear sets, don't think it's under hand
He garbled about cadence and the peleton
He chuntered in this language, what was my fella on?

His bike thats what me fella's on, cycling everywhere
I don't mind when he is on it, but it's that extra facial hair
And the thing that really worries me and causes heads to turn
Is the style of his new clothing along with those sideburns;
It's the fact he wears tight lycra, oh my god it's such a site.
If only he would wear it when he's riding on his bike.

When Bradley missed the tour last year, I thought I michal just get him back
He'd forget about the lycra and wear his Marks and Spencers slacks
But it seems my wishful thinking, well it happened just too soon
He's now got an obsession with another bloke called Froome
And any chance of him returning,  well there definitely aint
He gallivants in his lycra and says call me Geraint!