We have ni bought a red red rose,
We cannae play a tune,
We may have brought our dancin shoes,
Or maybe we could croon?
We cannae turn the soil, find mice,
Or sing out Auld Lang Syne;
In trouble we think we'll pay the price,
Wee nip, make thinking time!
A kilted bard, to toast the haggies,
He delivers, he has the knack.
I think, that us three maybe lacking,
Aye gormless sasserknacks!
Under pressure, under starters Orders,
A bunch of fine fellows,
Gay Gordon's found South of the Border
Chippendales to Strip Willows!
Well we have bought our silver tassies,
Let all the whisky flow:
Best we toast these Bonnie Lassies,
Afore we give it a go!
Cumberland Square, know what I mean,
Dance Strathspey and the Tulloch,
Reel out our old Sausage machines,
Oh what a bunch of pillocks!
A jig, a square set, four couples repeat
A reel, a step, now all promendade
Right now cross oh we're all left feet,
This Scottish dancing is taxing and hard!
To Preston Pans, to dance the Frisky,
Perhaps prepare, try harder.
Down a dram of best Scotch whisky,
Farewell to Auchterarder!
Five hundred miles for haggies neeps,
Keep it clean, now what dya think?
We love our Highland Lassies heaps,
Aye Laddies let's dance to the washing up in the sink!
