Mary Berry's plum desserts

Mary Berry's Plum Desserts

Now the ingredients of leg before,
To be sure it is a complex law;
I know that this will trouble you,
The law of the LBW!

Do not get your legs or rump,
Caught in line of cricket stumps.
Use your bat to hit the ball,
Your pads on legs, protect that's all.

Left arm over, right arm round,
To pad away is sometimes sound;
But if your leg's still in the crease,
Innings ended, out, deceased!

Plump umpire's finger up: its plum!
By speed, or spin, or seam been done;
Swing or bounce of ball is what:
Out! To pavilion back you trot.

You maybe think that you did hit it,
Oh the tiniest tap, or thinnest snicket.
It would have maybe missed the wicket;
Oh such complicated game this cricket!

Up to Hawkeye, check decision.
Cricket laws of long division;
Confirms trajectory of this complex sum,
Middle stump hit, your out, its plum! 

Ode to TMS

At the dead of night, Santa packs his sack, 

And elves service his sleigh;

Baggy Green hats are donned once more, 

Australians prepare to slay, 

An England team at the Gabbatoir, 

In the cauldron will they be cooked? 

Or will they take root and take the game, 

I'll tell you once i'll be hooked! 

Bleary eyed,  mouth catching flies, 

As I listen and doze all night, 

No place to hide no Anderson shelter

But England to put up a fight! 

As the sun awoake and I raised my head

TMS the bird song of dawn

Chirruping away keeping me abreast

I hope I won't be forlorn

Broad smiles for me as I jump out of bed

Bestowed Ashes test series is here

Come on England Ashes be earned

Do you think it's too early for beer? 

Cogito ergo sum - I think therefore I row

My sleek light weight bicycle that used to be in tow, 
Now I know that you are wondering,  why did it have to go? 
What happened to my mistress ,  the loss of love affair, 
With my lovely  exercise routine would you ask, oh would you dare? 
The lycra it is staying, though my bum can take no more
Tired of knife edge seating, I've had to show the door,
To the fondest trusty steed cos of soreness of the saddle 
And now I am turning to a thing that used to need a paddle
At least there's double spacing for both cheeks upon the seating
And the purpose is to keep me fit it's not as if I'm cheating 
Its safer for me personally the tarmac hurts if spills
And I won't be clogging roads no more in those Surrey Hills
Hero Bradley Wiggins made move to indoor rowing
I think that it's easy now to see where this is  going
I'll emulate my hero, you know it's to be done
I'll take up indoor rowing too,  Cogito ergo sum!