I was down in pub wi me son last night he's a right big fan a yours
Tells me there's some trouble brewing wi route of this years tour
He said to me dear Fatha you've done it, seen it all
There's cobbles causing concern can you give Sir Dave a call
I know in pursuit of perfection you leave no stone unturned
I'd like to offer an 'elping hand me knowledge is well earned
Preparing blokes wi bicyles, usin' right propper wheels that's round
It's about Planning layin foundations preparin' winning ground
Which is 'andy with them cobbles I'll need somehow to turn em smooth
To keep Geraint and Chris Froome in front and on the move
You see I've always rode to bakery, to go deliver t bread
I've learned to conquer cobbles, I'm an expert its been said
I am very scientific me, when there's trouble down at Mill
I'll bring an innovation then bugger off up ill
If there's any other problem like a spool missing from treddle
I'll fix that too don't worry before I go and pedal
It's a fine line makes the difference between first and second place
I can help wi' preparation if TeamSky's to win this race.
It can be oh so technical, it's also in the mind
Especially when there's cobbled streets It can be such a grind
I know them cobbles are tricky, to stay upright's a fight
Them cobbles are right tricky and I acknowledge Froomey's fright
For sixty years I've rode round here, just once I had a spill
When Mary from the Bakery, she walked on t cobbled hill
For me this was a turning point I was young and cycling slow
On't cobbled streets it's dangerous don't go too fast tha knows
I applied sufficient pressure to me brakes both front and back
Me front wheel caught a cobble and I hit ground with a smack
But Mary was on hand to help mop my bloodied brow
To tell me, "Watch them cobbles lad" (I wish we'd married now!)
She told me see them cobbles imagine bubbles full of air
You'll be carried you'be lifted like on a set of Stannah stairs
Ensure you're in survival mode other lads won't feel the same
But you will burst their bubbles lad and they'll feel all the pain.
I still float across them cobbles and deliver bread on t bike
Though Mary is not with us she had to take a hike
I've overcome cobbles challenge, it wa' bubbles that saw me through
I called it Cobbles Conquered It'll work for Teamsky too
So Sir David I'm available if you'd like some of my psychology
I can help wi teams nutrition too, a slice o bread wi Tea
So if you're in the area and need a little Yorkshire nouse
You will all be very welcome to pop around me house
To talk about a strategy drink tea in my front room
Aye and bring Geraint with you and last years winner Froome
The kettle will be boiling, Yorkshire tea brewing in the pot
The fire will be stoked up it'll be cosy for you lot.
They say there is no I in TEAM and I know the reason why
Is there room for ME A(n') T(ea) in next season's TeamSky?
