Blue Bells

As we wander through the bluebell woods
On a milky sun spring day
What tale of hope to do us good?
What secret did another say?
What story does each blue bell hide
From us two walking side by side?

We stroll along well trodden route,
That guides us on our winding way.
The blue bell path it keeps us true
We follow the lead of flowers that sway
In gentle breeze, our lengthened stride
Should we in bluebells too confide?

Those blue bells give woodland floor cover
Oh silent bells you tranquil blue
You warm our hearts and like a lover
Promise to keep our secrets few.
Your wrapping hug that's like no other
Sight hold me tight, keep sake forever!

The birds too add their own dawn chorus
To hide our whispering wondrous way.
Do they highlight those who've gone before us?
Follow our hopes and dreams each day
The spring time scene serene inspires
Azure blue view never tires!

They've now gone on to other stories
The peeling bells that welcome in
They walk in heaven's blue bell glories
With fresh thoughts a spring beginning
So thank you comforting blue bell flowers
We should stroll amongst you all for hours!

Plantar Fasciitis or flexible working

I caused a hiatus with my Plantar Fasciitis.
A sore foot, flat foot, Policeman's heel;
I find it painful, it makes me squeal.
It might be ruptured, it might be torn,
But whatever happened it's old and warn!
I used to be flexible, could bend and stretch;
Touching toes on my memory etched!
Hamstring, quadriceps, stretching all my bits,
But I must admit I could never do the splits!

Now I'm getting older my head thinks I can,
But my body seems to fight it, says, "No way man!"
Get to the office on a crutch, as it's non weight bearing?
Commuting to London I would end up swearing,
Doc says rest it, ice it, compression, elevation,
It's hard in the office but the art of delegation.
And now we're promoting flexible working;
I work from home as there's no more shirking.

Tijuana Brass Re-form to take on Trump

60's  American Brass sensation Tijuana Brass set to re-form in the fight against Trump's plan for the wall across the entire length of the Mexican border.
"Bringing the old band boys back together, along with my old LA session buddies known as the Wrecking Crew, seemed to make perfect sense," said Pablo Horn, lead trombonist from the ensemble, in a statement.
"Playing classics from our famous brass themed albums "Whipped Cream and other Delights" as well as  "Going Places" and "A taste of honey" seemed to give the perfect blend and combination, giving the American dream a sense of biblical proportions," he added. "We intend to bring the wall down, very much like we used to do when brought the house down at the height of our fame in the early 60s." He went on
"This is our Jericho, and if blowing trumpets can work for Joshua in bringing walls down, we certainly think it can work for us." He concluded. "Trump is a God fearing man and we don't want him to blow it so early on into his Presidency."

There are also reports that cartoon character Speedy Gonzalez was also set on disrupting the wall building efforts of the United States by stealing cheese from the lunch boxes of the wall builders. Looney Tunes were unable to confirm his involvement in any of this industrial espionage but the CIA however informed President Trump that they had  creditable evidence from an undercover operative in the form of a catalogue. Sylvester the nemesis of Speedy was unavailable for comment.

Toast to the Lassies

Oh my love, like a piece of toast.
Of course not burned, would be so gross;

Not underdone, nor overdone

But of course a piece, the perfect one.

A lassie may prefer her toast,

Perfected is the way of most.

Not as it comes, like the way of men;

It won't "just do" popped up and then

Placed on a plate with slapped on jam,

Hits the table. Here's your breakfast. Slam!

But perfect form this golden slice
Of life, timed, done right at any price.
The melting butter upon it spread,
The marmalade or jam for toasted bread;
Accompaniment of fine Nutella,
I hope that I can be your fella:
And if from grace I have once fallen,
I hope that I can come a callin',
Butter side up, I land in favour,
The taste so crisp and one to savour,
I am no fool: I bear in mind 2 second rule.
Would you be a person oh so cruel?
Wholemeal, seeded, like golden dust,
A toast to you dears. Would you be my crust?

BA Cabin Crew resolve ongoing disputes

Striking BA Cabin Crew steps in to resolve disputes at Southern Rail and on London Underground. 

Secretary of State for Transport, Chris Railing was delighted that both sides in each of the separate arguments had at last seen sense and come to agreements on their ongoing disputes.
"They are such simple solutions and it's great to see a cross pollination between these two main transport industries. Cooperation, compromise and learning from others is essential if we are to make Britain great again." He said in a statement. The RMT were also upbeat on reaching agreement.
"I can't believe we didn't think of it earlier" said Tom Picket of the RMT, as he left ACAS satisfied that agreement had been reached to move forward. 
The idea was sparked by striking First Class Pursor, Tim Piggot-Smythe of British Airways, who had the first class idea of re branding the traditional TFL ticket office, to "London Underground's Champagne and Oyster Bar". The new Oyster Bars, complete with swivelling bar stools, silver trays and dickie bows will add to the panache of travelling on the underground, and make it a much more memorable experience. Traveling at this level is about the perfect experience. Obviously retraining of staff will be required and I'm happy to step in; but it will at least allow the offices to remain open in this new and exciting format," said Piggot-Smythe in a statement.

"It's a real winner and I'm cock-a-hoop" said Picket, "and although we need to iron out the finer detail we are happy to call off today's strike and continue our discussions over a cocktail or two."

Safety concerns in the ongoing Southern Rail dispute were also overcome by the timely intervention of the BA Cabin Crew who proposed a tried and trusted approach. "Doors to manual and cross check" a saying synonymous with air travel safety and a calming influence on the most nervous of traveler would be used at each station before the doors were to be opened. Leonard Stryker from ASLEF said in a statement, "I'm glad all parties saw sense in the end and this closes the door on the dispute."
At the time of writing, the BA Cabin Crew dispute was ongoing, but Railing was hoping for intervention from the Road Hauliers Association. Railing added "We really need the BA Cabin Crew to sort out congestion on the roads too, but giving each vehicle their own "seat number" and asking them to wait in a departure car park before they can travel needs a bit more thought" he concluded.

Storks strike plan

Storks plan industrial action in protest of new government modernisation plan to use drones to deliver babies.
"We've been responsible for delivering babies for centuries." Stated Bill Kerry leader of UNTIE . "Ok so we had problems during the industrial age with the the use of new farming nethods which affected our performance and we struggled to meet our strict delivery time windows but made a bundle of changes and have been delivering on promises ever since. Why this government has to put at risk our livelihood today is beyond me." Kerry said. "I understand the added pressure on the NHS, but this is a slippery slope for the future of Storks in the region. Add to this the unregulated use of drones with the unknown safety risk and it's just an accident waiting to happen." Kerry added
We are open to negotiations and just ask that the government talks to storks before implementing any rash changes or putting the bill before parliament."
It's not as though we are burying our heads in the sand - that's Ostriches. We are happy to sit around the negotiating table, but baby safety and parent well being are our primary concerns." He concluded

Parking fines to make up for tax shortfall

Kingston Council takes to parking fines to recoup for Coffee Chain tax avoidance scheme.

A Surbiton local received a parking fine for parking in a loading bay for 2 minutes at 8:22am 31st Dec 2016 whilst purchasing Almond Croissants. "As I came to load them into my vehicle that I had foolishly not constructed or adapted for use for the carriage or haulage of Almond croissants, I noticed that I had received a Penalty Charge Notice which has subsequently been confirmed as issued correctly" said Surbiton local Pat Issary.
The Surbiton man stated that when asking the Civil Enforcement Officer (CEO) for the reason for Penalty Charge Notice when the sign stated "Mon-Sat 9am-6:30pm pay at machine" the CEO explained that he had not made the necessary modifications to the vehicle and therefore  could not park in a loading bay between 7am and 9am and load Almond croissants and deliver them safely to his home. The CEO further explained that Plain Croissants, Pain au Chocolat and even muffins would have been suitable for transportation, but this tax in particular only applies to Almond Croissants.
"We have to recoup for the Starbucks tax avoidance scheme, and Almond Croissants is the simplest way" the CEO said.
"I'm pretty annoyed" said Pat "If I had carefully read all the information pertaining to parking before leaving my vehicle, I would have visited the nearest garage that adapts vehicles for the purpose of carriage or haulage of almond croissants. It's as simple as that. To be honest I hold the Costa across the road responsible as they didn't have any almond croissants in stock!"