Saturday, 24 December 2016

Christmas Seating Plan

To relatives,visitors, friends and guests;
It's Christmas and you should have guessed.
Did you bring your personal seating,
As we join together for our Christmas greeting?

Around the table we need more chairs,
Go seek out seating to answer prayers;
Ornate whicker, bring down the stairs,
From garage bring out plastic garden wares.

Hidden under bedroom clothes,
For relatives that come in their droves.
Garden furniture, rickety some that squeaks,
Those fragile ones the old antiques;

Some once used around camp fire,
From low to medium and then to higher.
Mind your fingers, all hands on deck,
You can't use that oh what the heck!

Hide old and dirty under throws,
Cover up so no one knows,
Cover in cushions to raise them up,
Draw straws to make your luck,

Drag out chaise longue, sit on and dine,
But whilst consuming don't recline,
Please don't think a rude suggestion,
My thoughts will lead to indigestion!

Some will have to sit and rough it;
Seated  on old  kitchen buffet!
To finish the job, give us the tools,
Around the table we'll sit on stools.

Crammed around the Christmas table,
Like shepherds who came to visit the stable,
All are welcome to join our meal,
(It's got 4 legs my mother squeals)
Enjoy this family time together
Take your seat, on well, whatever!

Monday, 19 December 2016

Brexit Wines

Red, white, rosé not blue
the perfect wine we have for you
Sparkling, by the bottle, by the glass
Decanted into your carafe

Full bodied, light and crisp
Not too much to get you pissed
Ripe dark fruit vanilla aromas
Not too much to give hang overs

Black currant blackberry characteristics
14% vital statistics
Cabernet sauvignon with Merlot blend 
To be sommelier is my end

Find the perfect balance
Improve my nose ,my palate
Add freshness from the ripened vine
Versatile at any time

With chicken fish, red meat and veal
Perfect companion for any meal
With bread with game a must with cheese
I sense the scent of vineyard breeze

The wine best tasted whilst at home
No need for Europe no need to roam
I'll sample all  the wines I'll swoon
Of course i'll not need a spittoon

I'll savour every grapes last drop
Uncorked to breathe drink from the top
A connoisseur, a soupcon taster
And yes I'll end up really wasted!

Early Delivery

A carrot and some milk
A mince pie with a sherry
Left upon the mantel piece
To help them as they ferry

Gifts for all the children
Tip toe for silent sake
Kids that lie in bed asleep
The excited stay awake

Put dreams inside the pillow case
Hush the crackling sound
Of gift wrapped thoughts and images
That flicker all around

Fire burns warm and welcoming
Santa parks his sleigh
Descends into the chimney pot
It's always been this way

It seems that he is early
Down the chimney breast he turns
Until he nearly reaches hearth
On log burner bottom burned! 

According to the packing slip
Fire extinguished long ago
An error with the system
Glitch! There's no cooling snow!

Next year he'll put you down the list
Of his delivery scheduled ride
His bottom hopefully will have healed
Enjoy happy Yuletide !

Label's Fallen off

Christmas week's upon us
Presents wrapped in pretty bows
Placed beneath the Christmas tree
For who nobody knows

The labels they have come away
Sellotape has lost its stick
Enjoy the gift you'll get this year
A Christmas lucky dip

Thursday, 15 December 2016

Tea my love ?

Oh finest lady, the finest brew,
You're fresh just like the morning dew.
The style the scent of perfect you.
Brewed from Tetley or Typhoo
Or Yorkshire Tea so strong, refining
Perhaps a tea thats brewed from Twinings
Refreshing, revitalising,
Tantilising, mesmerising!
No tea bag brew,
But leaves released
Spirit float free,
amongst the pot,
Infusing colour at any spot.
Faultless hostess
My girl, you swirl send in a whirl.
You flit and dance
You circulate and mingle,
You send us all a tingle.
Your character infusing colour,
Infectious, our clear water's duller,
A warming taint paints Autumn beige
A darker brown to calm from any rage.
Your mystery like Assam tea
Earl Grey perfect perfumery
To tantalise our taste buds
To send us out in gushing floods.
You pull our heart strings there
You are the blend beyond compare.
Refreshing, quenching,
Calming, soothing
A dash of milk to smooth the flavour
The finest tea the taste to savour
The taste tea leaves
Just time for one cup of wonderment
That is of course from heaven scent
So a toast to all the ladies here
Shall I put the kettle on dear?

Monday, 28 November 2016

England v Australia Dec 2016

From 14 players to 14 wins this week,
Is this the confidence with which we speak?
What is the secret of Eddie's conundrum?
Creating momentum, doing the hum drum!

Execution of the game in hand,
Let pundits talk of unbeaten slams,
Fish n chips, wooden fork with 'styrene tray,
Simple game plan this Saturday.

Players have the blue print for all "What ifs?"
The chance to use their skill and gifts.
Play the game from what they see ahead;
Have set plays but use their heads!

Australian grand slam dashed hope in Dublin,
Revenge on their minds are looking for trouble in
Twickenham, as whitewash lays its heavy weight;
Cuts deep, with Eddie and his press bait!

Can resurgent Wallabys find that extra form?
Can England manage that early storm?
They have the backs to cut to shreds,
England no penalties don't lose those heads!

Defence is key against those backs,
First up tackles to stem attacks;
Cheika knows balanced tightly in the scrum
How to unpick England, they can be undone.

England expects no press disrespect!
But for Eddie this will be the best win yet.
Strength in depth, eye for the common goal
Confidence, belief, keeps this team whole!

Grind them down, hit them hard;
Send them your own seasons greeting card;
End the year on a mighty high,
Come on England! Just one more try!

Sunday, 27 November 2016

14 Believe

With your back to the wall when you're down to fourteen,
On the line is your body once more.
You've given your soul, you're battered, you bleed
Take heart and look at the score!

Phase after phase you've tackled and felled
Argentina will never give up;
Together your teamwork will keep them repelled,
It's time to make your own luck!

With Robshaw wired, he's here and inspired,
He's taken some crap on the chin,
He takes deep breath in, he's stoked and he's fired
And he knows that you never give in.

The villains of last year you poor world cup zeros
The judge says your sentance is quashed!
Prodigal sons you Twickenham heroes
13 wins on the spin you've white washed!

Look in the mirror and look at your mates
Together see what you've achieved;
That glint in the eye of New English greats
And its all because you believed!