Ball tampering

We scraped a win by the skin of our teeth. 

Chewing nails, but chewing seams, good grief!

Close one. Team on paper was as good as any;

Opening stand flattered to deceive, got many. 

Middle order collapse, no wagging tail on hand

Innings foundation built on sand. 

The sound of summer, leather on willow

Scent of linseed and of sand or brillo

Temper tantrum tampered ball

Oh how the mighty Aussies fall

Paper's journalistic scissors cutting tone

Taunted please do not phone home. 

Reverse the charges. Coins now rolling

Team roughed up not by aggressive bowling

Brass in pockets red tape restricts

Oh how it grated. Captain's wounds licked

Fat lady sings now on banned stands

Sad paper headlines. Paper sands

Take rough with smooth

Cancerous growth has been removed

Masking tape papers over cracks

Defiant call, Struth we'll be back!

Memories eroded by the sands of time, 

I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine! 

Perth 1978 Boney M

Helen’s boy child Joseph Root, was born on December Day
Fans will live for evermore, don’t give the Ashes away
Long time ago in Nottingham oh so Cric Info said
Ashes retained so long ago you’d better listen in bed

Hark, now hear Barmy army sings a saviour was born today
In Perth fans sing for evermore, don’t give the Ashes away

Perth

Every hour, they'll say you're a shower. 
Drunken tourists no less. 
Now is your chance to leave a taste sour, 
Its time for you - go impress! 

What on earth are you doing in Perth? 
Thinking of saving the Ashes? 
Three nil is what the Waca is worth. 
Say all of the Pommie bashes. 

But Root don't care with firm fine stare, 
Its the hour for worms to be turning
Tortoise time to overtake hare, 
Make history our hope.  We are learning! 

Backs to the wall,  receiving Root's call;
Sinews stretched with each session:
Primed for performance believe every ball, 
Will lead to pavillion procession! 

And then with that it's our time to bat, 
Concentration now is the key
No que sera,  every dot, every stat:
Boundaries is what it will be! 

Endeavour's ounce of every firm bounce, 
It’s pace, swing, turn or the seam.
Stand up and be counted Joe Root  announces:
Ashes we saved is the dream! 

Adelaide Day 4

Adelaide Oval !

Stage is laid down in Adelaide
Hope springs eternal
To dream,  to think
This ball of pink
Deceptive flight
In dusk half light
Nerve edges freyed
Come on England! Oh well played!

Excitement

When I go to be bed tonight
Excited as can be
In the hope that when I wake up
The present under tree
Is a sad Steve Smith satsuma
No Follow on he's fuming
And a gleeful big pink grapefruit
Grin of Captain Kidd Joe Root

Mary Berry's plum desserts

Mary Berry's Plum Desserts

Now the ingredients of leg before,
To be sure it is a complex law;
I know that this will trouble you,
The law of the LBW!

Do not get your legs or rump,
Caught in line of cricket stumps.
Use your bat to hit the ball,
Your pads on legs, protect that's all.

Left arm over, right arm round,
To pad away is sometimes sound;
But if your leg's still in the crease,
Innings ended, out, deceased!

Plump umpire's finger up: its plum!
By speed, or spin, or seam been done;
Swing or bounce of ball is what:
Out! To pavilion back you trot.

You maybe think that you did hit it,
Oh the tiniest tap, or thinnest snicket.
It would have maybe missed the wicket;
Oh such complicated game this cricket!

Up to Hawkeye, check decision.
Cricket laws of long division;
Confirms trajectory of this complex sum,
Middle stump hit, your out, its plum! 

Ode to TMS

At the dead of night, Santa packs his sack, 

And elves service his sleigh;

Baggy Green hats are donned once more, 

Australians prepare to slay, 

An England team at the Gabbatoir, 

In the cauldron will they be cooked? 

Or will they take root and take the game, 

I'll tell you once i'll be hooked! 

Bleary eyed,  mouth catching flies, 

As I listen and doze all night, 

No place to hide no Anderson shelter

But England to put up a fight! 

As the sun awoake and I raised my head

TMS the bird song of dawn

Chirruping away keeping me abreast

I hope I won't be forlorn

Broad smiles for me as I jump out of bed

Bestowed Ashes test series is here

Come on England Ashes be earned

Do you think it's too early for beer? 

England Cricket 2015 Ashes in a poem

From elation down in Cardiff
What a lead we had earned
Our upper lips with pride now stiff
Could we win back precious Urn?

On towards the home of cricket
To the chastening of Lords
The lip now bruised and bloodied
When we were put to sword

But at Edgbaston resurgence
Bells begin to chime once more
Root's continued emergence
The heart of England's core

Finn reborn on English turf
Anderson well tried
To taunt the Aussies in their surf
And of course there is Broadside

So now onto Trent Bridge
Watch series ebb and flow
Nerves all on a knife edge
How will installment go?

Captain Cook asks for focus
Barks for great Endeavour
Tells the team it's about us
Ashes thoughts forever!

A Phoenix from the ashes
Last series such disdain
"A victory!" Cook despatches
The Ashes be regained!

An opening day all will remember
100 balls is all it takes
Aussie attack dismembered
By Broad who figures eight

The catches stick the bowling quick
Is all what it seams?
The swinging ball the Ashes nicked
This is the day of dreams!

Captain Cook now plays his part
Oh yes it comes to those
Root and Bairstow show their heart
How proud to wear Wh'trose!

Day two it needs another
The Aussies attack be choked
Not famous A N other
But none other than Ben Stokes

A patient day all play their tune
Will those wickets fall?
Catches slip they will come soon
And of course there's those no balls!

He's one hand on the Ashes
The lips to kiss and earn
Respect from all Cook bashes
Oh how the tables turn!

Captain Cook asks for focus
Barks for great Endeavour
Tells the team it's about us
Ashes thoughts forever!

A Phoenix from the ashes
Last series such disdain
"A victory!" Cook despatches
The Ashes be regained!