Yorkshire Lass CC

If you've been inspired by t Olympics
On velodrome or road
Get on your bike and join us chicks
Cycling's so in vogue

You don't have to be Lizzie Armistead
A bike is all you need
Come on girls get out of bed
Escape how you'll be freed

Take part without the scowls
Mamils please move out the way
Make way for us the Owls
Old blokes you've had your day

Riding out from Wetherby
Exercise the bike and mind
Such views and fine Dales revelry
Hidden treasures for you to find

And if the thought of lycra
Your enthusiasm it crops
Theres a team of lovely lady Tykes
To encourage with tea stops!

Feel free to come and join us
On sportives or gentle rides
Its fun without a lot of fuss
We're like the new girl guides!

Yorkshire Spirit Sportive

Like Boudiccas on bicycles,
Jovial Joan of Arcs!
I'm sure it is advisable,
To Yorkshire! On your marks!

Your personal Norman conquests,
Own Battles of Agincourt;
Together you will give your best,
With this quest for more.

A thirst for Thirsk, own Waterloos,
The spirit of Dunkirk,
Resilience of our QE2,
You grafters will not shirk!

Cameraderie built upon 2 wheels,
Earning spurs to encourage on,
Wills of iron and Sheffield steel,
I hope with the odd song!

Now all be crowned Queens of the road,
Competitive streaks at stake,
Honesty's policy within our souls:
We'll be serving tea n cakes!

Grass

I’m obsessed with my grass.
I’ve decided it’s down alas,
To my own sad lack of coverage.
A substitute for my thinning thatch
A topiary toupee of colours that match
I should stick to an alcoholic beverage.
 
An attempt to make it thick with bounce
I better not mention an odd ounce,
When referring to my obsession.
And words like weed could be misconstrued
Depending on how it has been viewed
There’s no need for a confession.
 
My love of grass and hate of weeds
Means a ceaseless spread of seeds,
To cover the balding patches.
My tendered lawn that’s always watered
Forever fed I feel I’m tortured
By weeds with endless hatches.
 
Moss keep off, I’ve decreed no weeds.
Yet they always appear and my heart now bleeds
To end this ceaseless fight.
And I feel that now I must give in
But those weeds they shall not win.
I’ll wage war once more against this blight.
 
So on to scarify and rarify
And seaweed strength to fortify,
To feed the lawn to give me hope
Against those dreaded dandelions
That infest and shackle me in irons.
A cry for help to a retired Pope!
 
Feeding lawns with Grass conditioner and aftercut
More like a salon than a garden hut.
I’ll call on laws long arms or truncheon
To keep grass green and weeds well fought
And take it to the highest court.
Weeds here’s a super injunction!
 
Oh for my love of grass and tendered lawns
Those weeds now make me so forlorn
At tethers’ end and almost fled.
Rescue me from these tormentors
Perhaps I should call upon cementers
And have a patio instead!

EuroMillions

Dear Sir or Madam I strongly disagree,
A return on our investment is what we need to see.
Invest the money wisely, in a bank account,
Or put it into stocks and shares and see the value mount.
The lottery is for gamblers, for drunkards and for bums
And all of those people who don't how to do their sums!
I don't condone the lottery, put money where it's secure
Away from wildest riches that the lottery does allure.
Hmm let me think this through again, do you think that we can win?
For £76m you can definitely count me in!

Blue Bells

As we wander through the bluebell woods
On a milky sun spring day
What tale of hope to do us good?
What secret did another say?
What story does each blue bell hide
From us two walking side by side?

We stroll along well trodden route,
That guides us on our winding way.
The blue bell path it keeps us true
We follow the lead of flowers that sway
In gentle breeze, our lengthened stride
Should we in bluebells too confide?

Those blue bells give woodland floor cover
Oh silent bells you tranquil blue
You warm our hearts and like a lover
Promise to keep our secrets few.
Your wrapping hug that's like no other
Sight hold me tight, keep sake forever!

The birds too add their own dawn chorus
To hide our whispering wondrous way.
Do they highlight those who've gone before us?
Follow our hopes and dreams each day
The spring time scene serene inspires
Azure blue view never tires!

They've now gone on to other stories
The peeling bells that welcome in
They walk in heaven's blue bell glories
With fresh thoughts a spring beginning
So thank you comforting blue bell flowers
We should stroll amongst you all for hours!

Plantar Fasciitis or flexible working

I caused a hiatus with my Plantar Fasciitis.
A sore foot, flat foot, Policeman's heel;
I find it painful, it makes me squeal.
It might be ruptured, it might be torn,
But whatever happened it's old and warn!
I used to be flexible, could bend and stretch;
Touching toes on my memory etched!
Hamstring, quadriceps, stretching all my bits,
But I must admit I could never do the splits!

Now I'm getting older my head thinks I can,
But my body seems to fight it, says, "No way man!"
Get to the office on a crutch, as it's non weight bearing?
Commuting to London I would end up swearing,
Doc says rest it, ice it, compression, elevation,
It's hard in the office but the art of delegation.
And now we're promoting flexible working;
I work from home as there's no more shirking.

Tijuana Brass Re-form to take on Trump

60's  American Brass sensation Tijuana Brass set to re-form in the fight against Trump's plan for the wall across the entire length of the Mexican border.
"Bringing the old band boys back together, along with my old LA session buddies known as the Wrecking Crew, seemed to make perfect sense," said Pablo Horn, lead trombonist from the ensemble, in a statement.
"Playing classics from our famous brass themed albums "Whipped Cream and other Delights" as well as  "Going Places" and "A taste of honey" seemed to give the perfect blend and combination, giving the American dream a sense of biblical proportions," he added. "We intend to bring the wall down, very much like we used to do when brought the house down at the height of our fame in the early 60s." He went on
"This is our Jericho, and if blowing trumpets can work for Joshua in bringing walls down, we certainly think it can work for us." He concluded. "Trump is a God fearing man and we don't want him to blow it so early on into his Presidency."

There are also reports that cartoon character Speedy Gonzalez was also set on disrupting the wall building efforts of the United States by stealing cheese from the lunch boxes of the wall builders. Looney Tunes were unable to confirm his involvement in any of this industrial espionage but the CIA however informed President Trump that they had  creditable evidence from an undercover operative in the form of a catalogue. Sylvester the nemesis of Speedy was unavailable for comment.