The Treadmill

On a business trip to Brussels
I wanted to stay trim
Developing all my muscles
So I headed towards the gym

They took one peery look at me
They didn’t like my grin
Mankini’s aren’t acceptable
We cannot let you in

So I nipped back to the penthouse
And changed sporting attire
The lycra wasn’t very good
At hiding my spare tyre

So I got upon the tread mill
I started gentle pace
Put it on an incline
It’s a marathon not a race

Then into the line of vision
A girl came by my side
And started up her treadmill
I thought I’d quicken my stride

She was going very quickly
How much faster can she get
I’m starting to struggle now
And there’s an out pouring of sweat

Then a slight catastrophe
When at speed of 9.4
My heart it was apounding
Could I carry on for sure

I lost my concentration
I thought that this is it
As I tumbled from the tread mill
And went arse over tit

The girl she didn’t notice
She was focused in the zone
She was reading Cosmopolitan
With #BackBeatFit ear phones

The moral of the story
When training in the gym
Concentrate upon yourself
It’s the way that you’ll get slim!

New leaf

I'm feeling rather over weight
Time to turn new leaf
Now it seems the perfect date
And the start is self belief

Get out my tired plimsolls
To blow cobwebs away
Best get some new insoles
And start regime today

To rid me of this weight gain
Which I don't recall amassing
They've said that I'll require pain
Who hired silent assassin?

It's time to start, renew, refesh
Break away from clasping couch
Get off my big behind's my wish
Jump up! To action! Ouch!

They said no pain no gain
Stalled, fallen at the first
Ligament or bad strain
Done something getting worse

Like presents its thought that counts
I tried regime of fitness
I gave it full attention
Thanks for being my witness!